A FATHERS LOVE

Birth and fathers! This subject is so near to my heart and yet, also so far away. My own father was not absent from my birth. His sudden death in 1985 due to a drug overdose however, made him absent from my life. At the tender age of 3, I was without a father. Though I am not yet a mother, the loss of my father has and will undoubtedly affect my birthing story. As a little girl, I did not know the love of a father. I grew up believing in a lie that suggested a father's love was not necessary. I did not get to learn what it is like to be the most beautiful girl in a man's life. I did not have the chance to have a best friend in a man from birth. I never learned what the protection of a man felt like. As a young woman, I did not know the luxury of having a trusted man to seek for his wisdom and advice. The lack of a fathers love has turned men into virtual strangers that I must learn to understand, accept and love in my adult years. The lack of a strong black male in my life has impacted me in every way every day of my life. One of the ways that it has impacted me the most is in my decisions about family planning. I want to be as careful as possible in finding a mate. I do not want my own daugther to know the ambivalence that I know. I want to choose a kind, present, strong and loving man for my future daughter to know and love. I want my birthing experience to include the arms of a father greeting his new born child upon arrival. I want my child to enter the universe knowing what a man's love is and how much it means.

Please take the time to read and comment on the other participants posts.












Mavhu at Adia Publishing: A Father Before Birth





Reggie at WhatrUWorkinon?: They're All Miracles

Nicole at Musings From The Mind of Sista Midwife: #BlackBirth Not Without Our Fathers








Darcel at The Mahogany Way Birth Cafe: Are Men at Birth Important?

Alexis at The Ivy Expansion: A Fathers Love











Twitter Hashtag #BlackBirth

The POWER of the P-U-S-S-Y

I had a discussion with a male friend the other day about the concept of "Pussy Power". He explained to me that women are "dangerous" because they possess this "Pussy Power". He felt that becoming too deeply involved with a woman (emotionally) was risky. He felt that ultimately, women would use this "Pussy Power" to control, manipulate and dominate everything in his life. Thus, he would ultimately lose focus and the things that he has worked so hard for. As a woman, I have always heard these remarks from men (and women) in regards to the oh-so-"dangerous" Pussy Power... yet somehow, I have never been on the receiving end of its blessings. No man (that I know of) has lost his home, his car, his hair or his mind after a whiff of my pussy nor has he crumbled and died under the weight of its "power"!

I believe that men enjoy pussy, want pussy and cater their appearance and behavior to attract pussy; but do I believe that it is *whispering in my Gollum voice* "The Precious" power source that SCARED men would like us to believe it is? Ha! If I were to analyze this from an overall stand point, perhaps it is. Men cheat on their spouses to get "outside pussy". Selling pussy is the worlds oldest profession. Strippers make money 'slangin' the pussy'. Men 'wine & dine' women in hopes of getting the pussy. Female porn stars make money showing the pussy. Hell, pop stars (Rihanna, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Janet etc.) make a living selling fantasies about the pussy. Pussy is indeed, POWERFUL. However, that's only the big picture!

When it comes to sexuality, relationships and genitals, pussy is damn sure not the only thing that is powerful... and men (even the, "scared-of-commitment-I'm-using-pussy-power-as-an-excuse-type-men") know it. The question is, what does "power" really mean in the above mentioned context? I would assess that it means the ability to cause emotional weakness and vulnerability in the object of its affections. I would argue that this statement is probably not true of everyone -- just some. The question is, does the power lie in the pussy or the act of sex itself? In some respects, it is just the general act of sex itself that may be to blame for bringing on a "weakened and love sick" state *eye roll* and that brings me to my next point...

Can we say, "D-Power"? Ha! We have all experienced these men, ladies. The men who possess the "D-Power" (and not every man has it or even knows how to use it! *smirk*) D-Power is exclusive to those men who (know how to) use physical and psychological dominance (manipulation) in the bedroom to weaken and subdue ("break") their partners. Men who attempt to use sex to rule the relationship, the household, and the woman. These are the men who want to spank, bite and rough sex you while you call them, "Daddy". (Yes, I have run across these guys!) Sex with these men is like a battle of wills, wits and the sexes wrapped tightly inside of a bullfight (not necessarily "unsexy" by the way). It is through these men, that individualized male/female relationships or ...uh... "pussy power" is truly tested. Pussy is indeed powerful (**I suppose Pussy Power does exist**) --- but I will conclude... so is "The D"... Happy Humping Suckas! #Random!

NATURAL GIRL!

For any black woman, going natural is a big decision. Many of us have been natural since we were little girls, a decision that our parents made. As adults, perms and weaves just become a staple -- something we have learned and continue to do. However, I think it is fair to say of any black woman, perms can be and many times are very damaging to the hair. After 22 years of perms, (probably longer than I have done ANYTHING in my entire 29 years) I had a scalp that was as dry as chalk and a portion of my hairline was threatening to not return. After growing my hair out for over 6months, BOOM! I did it! I did the big chop (chopping of all of ones permed hair to leave only the natural tresses) and I am LOVING every moment of it. This has been one of the BEST decisions I have ever made in my life and its a great look. There are so many question that surround natural hair. Will it be accepted in the business world? Will I still be considered desirable? Will people judge me? Will it look right on me? Blah, blah, blah! As black women, we have to reclaim our power and just DO IT! It doesn't matter what anyone else has to say. It is an empowering experience that every black woman deserves to have. There is NOTHING like being you naturally and naturally being you. To any sista out there who is wondering if "natural" is the way to go, let me tell you, IT IS! As Nike says... "JUST DO IT!"

Seriously, Fantasia?!!? Black Women, Adultery, Lies and Self-Esteem in the Media.

The day that Fantasia Burrino won 'Americal Idol', I am sure we all knew that a star was born. She had the smile, the charisma, the down home sass, the voice and the humor to capture the hearts of America. An African-American highschool drop out and unwed mother of one -- could she be the next American Idol? These were the questions that were posted on various blogs and news sites. However, Fantasia's overwhelming talent overrode opinion. A small town North Carolina underdog, did indeed win the 2004 season of 'American Idol'.

It was not long after this win that Miss Burrino was given the opprotunity to recreate her life on film for the Lifetime Television Network. Those of us who watched saw a young girl who was lost, midguided, and confused. We saw her go through heartbreak, rejection, illiteracy, the rape that changed her life, the birth of a beautiful baby girl and ultimately, the luckiest break of her life. We knew Fantasia. We watched her battle her way back from multiple setbacks only to emerge with the victory. Her well crafted public image reflected a young lady who was a champion of women, youth and single mothers around the world. Unfortunately, around 2009, her shining public image and career began to plummet. There were tales of missed engagements, foreclosures, mental calapses, adultery, suicide attempts, and abortions. How could a woman with so much talent and opprotunity allow this type of foolishness to once again, exist inside of her life?!

We watched Fantasia's VH-1 reality series "Fantasia For Real". We saw a woman become broken beyond repair over a married man! We watched her neglect her young daughter's birthday party to cry and sulk about this man. We saw the countless news reports that covered Fantasia's suicide attempts as a result of her "love" for this man. We have watched her abort and now carry a child for this man. The same man who is married to a woman (Paula Cook) who sued Fantasia for 'alienation of affections'. At second glance, our American Idol appears to be a shattered women with little to no self-worth.

It is disturbing to watch a woman with Fantasia's gifts lower herself to the title of "baby momma", mistress and bedwarmer for a married, poor, whorish and irresponsible man like Antwaun Cook. What is even more disturbing is just how common these types of scenarios are in todays black communities. What does it say about our community when the title of "baby momma" and "wifey" (whatever the hell that means) is more common than the title of wife? What can I say about a culture that has produced (and continues to produce) well over a million "Fantasia Burrino's"?

Watching Fantasia's descent into desperation, hopelessness, self-pity, stupidity and ignorance through various magazines, television programs, news stations and blog sites sickens me to the pit of my stomach. What would make you lower yourself this way Fantasia? What would make you exalt a man head and shoulders above your mental health, your child and your career this way Fantasia? Don't you love yourself AT ALL Fantasia?

Saying Goodbye to Amy Winehouse

So young and so full of promise, the death of one of pop cultures shining stars, Amy Winehouse, is a massive tragedy. So often, greatness and genius are plagued by demonic forces and tortured thinking. For it is not easy to be great! We all would like to be celebrated. So many of us want to know true "genius", but it is a very heavy load to carry. We have seen so many gifted adults fall prey to the many dark forces that lie in waiting, hoping to claim those qualities that make the brilliant among us so brilliant . I hate that she is no longer with us! I am hurt that Amy did not win her battle against these evils! May her soul find the peace that it was unable to find here on Earth on the other side.


"RIP Ms. Winehouse --- You gave it your all! Your life, your battle and your music will be remembered."

Amy Jade Winehouse
September 14th, 1983 - July 23rd, 2011

Jada Pinkett-Smith is HawthoRNe --- (and the life of a Nursing Student)

It has been awhile since I blogged. The life of a nursing student in a god-forsaken-kiss-my-whole-asshole-why-do-I-need-math-any-gotdamn-way math class is stressful! ( I still maintained my 4.0 gpa *ahem... yeah!) Shall I refer to the last two months as hell? LOL! Nursing student life is NOT easy and apparently, the life of my FAVORITE TV NURSE is not easy either. Christina Hawthorne (HawthoRNe) has had it rough (to say the least). She lost her unborn baby in a violent underground garage attack. Her bestfriend, Bobbie, stole her job as Chief of Nursing. As a result of her attack, she and her husband experience emotional difficulties that lead her to an emotional affair of sorts with her detective friend, Mick (played by the talented Mr. Marc Anthony). Through it all though, Christina remains strong, compassionate, sensitive and aware. American Media often perpetuates the "heartless head bitch in charge" image when creating female leads who are also in positions of leadership. Hawthorne however, (starring Jada Pinkett-Smith as 'the heroine next door') is nothing like that! This woman is warm, caring, brave, assertive, sensible and organized. As a woman, a nursing student and a feminist -- I am inspired! I believe this show provides a great example of a nurse, a leader, a mother and a wife. I am so glad that it is on television. She is bringing light and positivity to societies everyday heroines, women of color in leadership, interracial marriages, children of biracial descent, nursing, healthcare, child care, various health disparities, and the "crazy notion" that woman+kindness+leadership=success, equality and progress for all people. I encourage any and everyone reading this to check out 'HawthoRNe'. There is a new episode every Tuesday evening on TNT. Be entertained and inspired. As for me... *sigh* I still have math homework to do! The work of an aspiring "HawthoRNe" can never truly be completed! --- Later all! :~)

BLACK MEN: MAMMY IS DEAD! FUCK YOU! PAY ME! --- BLACK FEMINISM!

FEMINISM! WOMAN! FEMINISM! FEMINIST! BLACK! FEMINISM! --- YouTube, Blogger, research papers and countless conversations about black feminism have taught me a couple of interesting things. Many men are offended at the mere mention of feminism and black men seem to be at the top of that list! In slavery, black women were often maids, mammies and wet nurses to white families. They would work for little pay and small perks only to be treated as less than human by the family and the children they nursed, waited on and loved. Black female slaves were also raped and treated as property (Google Sally Hemings if you are not familiar) by white slave masters who impregnated them and treated them like animals while denying the "bastard children" they so violently produced. In the 1800s Sarah Baartmen (a South-African woman and a slave) with a full behind and a large labia minora (common features for Khoi-San women) was taken around the world as an exhibit (The Hottentot Venus). Her body exploited by slave masters and gawked at by strangers. In present African-American culture, the black woman has continued to shoulder much of the responsiblity while her sexuality is exploited in the media, her own home and her own neighborhood. We get the pleasure of seeing the black figure exploited in music videos day after day while no other representation exists. We are still viewed as animals for slaughter in a society that was founded on rape culture, oppression and patriarchy. The black woman is now the single mother (baby momma; Mammy) and the primary caregiver for sons, uncles, fathers, husbands and brothers. We have continued to take care of everybody else. We play the Mammy role in fatherless households and are constantly overlooked at work and we are underrepresented in the professional world as a whole. The very men, black men, who have walked out of many of these homes, who have babies in multiple households, who may be unemployed, uneducated, underemployed or just "caught up" in the male dominance societal concept, have relied year after year on the strength of the black woman to, as always, "hold it down"! Men have many titles to describe this foolish dynamic --- wifey, my girl, my bitch, my down ass bitch, my lady, my ol' girl, my shawty aka my caretaker: the one on whom I can depend. With feminism becoming more prevelent in pop culture, more young black women have jumped on the bandwagon. More young black women are focusing on academics, career advancement, marriage before carriage, and professional goals. Suddenly, there is a backlash from black men. "Wait! Why aren't you barefoot and pregnant standing in my kitchen or my bedroom?", they seem to ask. I actually watched a YouTube video where a brother likened black feminism to the rising of Satan on earth. Why, black men, are you so threatened by the emergence of the black woman as a sufficient, confident powerhouse concerned with gender equality? Lord knows, many other women claimed their positions long ago. It is our turn now! We are tired of playing Mammy to every damn body all the damn time! We are tired of being sexually exploited by ALL THE MEN of society! We are tired of sitting in the background while other women march to the front line with a since of entitlement no one expects black women to have or feel they deserve. We are ready to play ball! It does not mean that you, black man, are weak and unnecessary! We do not just want to sit at home raising your babies, ironing your clothes, counting your loot, fucking you silly, and cooking your meals. No! We want to shine! We want to achieve and we want to live! We are not bitches! We are not confused! We are not being preyed on by the white woman. We are not all lesbians. We are not man-haters! We are intelligent black women who want to change the world for the better. We are mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, aunts, grandmothers, wives and singles. We are poor. We are working class. We are homeless. We are wealthy. We are healthy. We are religious. We are women and we want to be seen as well rounded human beings, not just "your boo". For some reason, this is a concept that some of my brothers are not ready to embrace. If that's the case, tough shit brother! MAMMY IS DEAD!! FUCK YOU!!! PAY ME!!!